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What to do for Kids' Personality Types + How Enneagram can Help your Child

Updated: Dec 30, 2020



Enneagram 2 (The Helpers)

Overview: 2’s are the people pleasers. 2’s are friendly, generous, and as you probably guessed they love helping others

Challenges: worry too much about others opinions which when really bad can even turn into social anxiety - always worrying about what others are going to think. 2’s are very dependent on always needing approval.

Main desire: is to feel loved and recognized and valued for their help. 2’s are willing to do whatever it takes to feel valued even if it means being manipulative at times.

What to do for 2's: If you have a little 2 yes enjoy your little helper and give them little jobs to help them feel valued but also encourage them to do things for themselves and they will also need a lot more reminders that it doesn’t matter what other people think and encourage them to do things that lights them up not simply live there life revolved around other people and making decisions based off other people. Building their self esteem as all kids is also going to very important.


Enneagram 3 (The Achievers)

Overview: They are success oriented, driven, charming, ambitious, similar to 2’s they are very image-driven so they can also be...

Challenges: competitive and impatient and overly concerned with their image and what others think of them.

What to do for 3's: it’s important to remind them that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks and to not put too much attention on their end performance because don’t worry 3’s will put enough pressure on themselves to be perfect so remind them that it self-care and taking breaks to take care of ourselves is extremely important and we can’t be too hard on ourselves if we make a mistake and that effort means way more the end product. So the achievers 3’s internalize their shame so it is super important to encourage emotional sharing with your little 3’s and having them share their emotions


Enneagram 4 (The Individualist)

Overview: sensitive, introspective kids who are very self-aware. They can be very creative and like to express themselves and their individuality.

Challenges: Moody and very self-conscious so similar to 2’s and 3’s their main desire is also looking for recognition and validation and the common emotion to be on the look out for in your little individualist is when they internalize feelings of shame.

What to do for 4's: encourage and give attention to their effort and not end product because all of these kiddos can be very hard on themselves with regard to caring too much about what others think so to frequently remind them that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and one way to do this is to really work on building their self-esteem.


2, 3, 4 - The Feeling Category

Main desire and motivation: is recognition and validation.

Common emotion: shame so the last in the feeling category are the 4’s the individualist and these are the

Common cause of meltdowns: looking for attention and for these kiddos

What to do: it’s important to encourage and give attention to their effort and not end product because all of these kiddos can be very hard on themselves with regard to caring too much about what others think so to frequently remind them that it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks and one way to do this is to really work on building their self-esteem.


Enneagram 5 (The Investigators)

Overview: alert, curious, independent, inventive

Challenges: very intense and sometimes isolate themselves. They can be self-isolating and detached and retreat into their minds

What to do for 5's: Important thing to remember for these kiddos is to give them strong sense of security. These are the kids that need extra reminders that they are safe and protected. For 5’s especially the investigators - they fear being incapable so reminding them that we all make mistakes and that is okay and encouraging emotional awareness is so important having them talk about their emotions rather than retreating into their minds.


Enneagram 6 (The Loyalist)

Overview: Very loyal, committed, responsible, hardworking as you probably guessed being that the thinking categories common emotion is fear they can also be very

Challenges: secure-oriented not as much the adventure dare-devil type. They can be anxious and suspicious and very cautious. They really fear the unknown so being without support or guidance. These kids might sometimes focus on worstcase scenarios

What to do for 6's: reminding them that they are safe and secure and encouraging them to try new things and to get out of their comfort zone and that it’s okay if things don’t go 100% perfect and it’s good to go with the flow!


Enneagram 7 (The Enthusiast)

Overview: Extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous, playful, and high-spirited. Challenges: scattered, impatient, and key word impulsive! They like to to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid feeling. They have a fear of missing out and being deprived so for these kids its good to remind themselves it is totally okay to do nothing and take it slow.

What to do for 7's: So for these kids encouraging emotional sharing so talking about their emotions and having those difficult conversations rather than escaping into activity to keep their mind occupied.


5’s 6’s and 7’s: The Thinking category

Main desire and motivation: To feel safe and secure

Common Emotion: Fear

Common cause of meltdowns: escape and access to preferred activities

What to do: it is important to help them understand that we can do different coping activities to help us feel better so helping them find healthy coping activities like drawing or writing.


Enneagram 8 (The Challengers)

Overview: powerful, self-confident, decisive

Challenges: domineering, confrontational, afraid of vulnerability. One thing that makes 8’s angry is being controlled by others.

What to do for 8's: remind them to be vulnerable and share how they are feeling show them that it makes them stronger to be vulnerable and that we all need to be vulnerable. When they are angry try to listen and ask questions to help them see from different points of views rather than lecturing ask questions to make them think it was their idea. They also might act tough and be very independent but to remind them being vulnerable is their superpower and to really reinforce the idea that teamwork makes the dream work so involve them is cooking or any tasks where it takes more than 1 person! Where you can specifically divy up the tasks involved.



Enneagram 9 (The Peacemakers)

Overview: Easygoing, Receptive, Reassuring Agreeable, and Complacent.

Challenges: stubborn and do anything escape anything that ruins their peace. They internalize their anger and sometimes leads to resentment or inner anger if something messes with their peace

What to do for 9's: It is important these guys to encourage them to be vulnerable and that it is important for everyone to speak about their emotions. Listen and calmly respond whenever they are angry and provide alternate ways of thinking if you can ask questions to get them to see different sides rather than lecturing. Of course, always remind them that you care about their feelings and that you want to better understand them and understand how they are feeling.


Enneagram 1 (The Reformers/Perfectionist)

Overview: Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic. They are conscientious and ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong. They are always striving to improve things, but afraid of making a mistake.

Challenges: The have high standards, but their anger arises when they can be too critical and perfectionistic.

What to do for 1's: Remind them that nothing is perfect and that's a good thing! Remind them to not be so hard on themselves. Celebrate their mistakes and imperfections! It is important these guys to encourage them to be vulnerable and that it is important for everyone to speak about their emotions. Listen and calmly respond whenever they are angry and provide alternate ways of thinking if you can ask questions to get them to see different sides rather than lecturing. Of course, always remind them that you care about their feelings and that you want to better understand them and understand how they are feeling.


8’s 9’s and 1’s: The Instinctive Category

Common Emotion: Anger

Common cause of meltdowns: Not having control over situations. I

What to do: It is important these guys to encourage them to be vulnerable and that it is important for everyone to speak about their emotions. Listen and calmly respond whenever they are angry and provide alternate ways of thinking if you can ask questions to get them to see different sides rather than lecturing. Of course, always remind them that you care about their feelings and that you want to better understand them and understand how they are feeling.




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